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Bride’s parents bearing less of the wedding cost burden

In the 1990s comedy “Father of the Bride,” Steve Martin, as George Banks, bursts into a grocery store on a rampage. After ripping into a package of hot dog buns and removing four he doesn’t need in the hopes of saving money, Banks yells at a store clerk, “I’m not paying for one more thing I don’t need. George Banks is saying NO!”

“Who’s George Banks?” asks the worker.

George’s 1990s tux might date him, but his predicament? Maybe not.

Financially strapped parents of brides are still out there, which is no surprise, since the average U.S. wedding costs $31,213, according to The Knot wedding website — and tradition long has held that the bride’s family foots most of the bill.

But the good news is that parents of brides may be seeing more financial relief. The Knot’s 2014 Real Wedding Survey reported that, on average, the bride’s parents contribute 43 percent of the total cost of a wedding; the bride and groom contribute another 43 percent; the groom’s parents spend 12 percent; and the remaining 2 percent of the budget is paid for by family members or friends.

American couples marrying later are spurring the change, said Deborah Moody, executive director of the Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants. Moody said the average age of a bride in the U.S. is now 28 years old and the average age of the groom is 31.

“They’ve already established themselves (financially),” Moody said. “The good thing about them paying for it themselves is that, typically, when parents are paying, there are more parents’ guests coming in. A lot of couples are more interested in their friends (attending). It’s all about having (their) signature on it.”

Nikki Roseberry married Jason Keiser in October in Lincoln, Neb. While planning the wedding, they created a budget and brought it to their parents. The couple paid for most of the wedding, but each side of the family contributed $2,000.

“I think the tradition (of the bride’s family paying for the wedding) is very outdated and sets up an unrealistic and unfair expectation,” Roseberry said. “I am 26, and (Jason) is 30; our parents don’t owe us anything except their love and support. I am so grateful to my parents for their (financial) contribution, but it was a gift, not an expectation.”

Still, that gap between what the average bride’s family pays versus the groom’s family is significant. The tradition dates to the days when a bride’s family supplied a dowry, Moody said. And although dowries are a thing of the past, paying for a daughter’s wedding is “so rooted in tradition that a lot of parents want to throw this for their children, and they don’t look at it as a burden; they look at it as something they’d love to do for their kids,” said Kristen Maxwell Cooper, deputy editor of The Knot.

Still, some parents of the groom are paying for more than the traditional expectations of rehearsal dinner and, perhaps, the flowers. Sarah David, whose son is getting married in Seattle, said she is as financially involved as the family of the bride.

“We feel that it is fair for both families to share the cost,” David said. “We consider this a partnership between the two families, (and) we plan on being connected to them for the rest of our lives — we will share our children and hopefully grandchildren — (and) for us it makes sense. We are not really involved in the planning, so it is not about control; it is about supporting them.”

Yet what happens when a bride’s parents — or the groom’s, for that matter — are worried they can’t afford to pay for their child’s wedding? The Knot’s Maxwell Cooper said that the best way to avoid financial stress is to discuss finances at the start.

“You don’t want your marriage or family to be in debt because of a wedding,” Moody added.

After a dollar figure is set, create a budget.

“It’s on the couple to be sensitive,” Maxwell Cooper said. “Most of them have a general idea about their parents’ financial situation. Don’t let parents overspend themselves.”

As a wedding planner, Moody encourages her clients to stick with their budget. (The Knot’s survey found that, in 2014, 45 percent of weddings went over budget.) She figures out how much money the couple has to spend and helps them prioritize the most important elements of their wedding.

Maxwell Cooper also emphasized that contributing to a wedding isn’t always about money.

“Support is the biggest thing,” she said. “It’s a very overwhelming time, so being there for their children and helping them through their decisions (is contributing).”