Trouser Quest : Epic Journey Of A 29.39inches Legged Chick

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[Preliminary note: I am pretty sure I amgoing to get some disappointed traffic coming this way due to the posttitle involving the words "inches "leg" and "chick". Soooo, for youperverts looking for pictures of a 29.39 inches disco stick, please hitthe exit button. Thanks.]

Sometimes I feel like a midgetNa'vi plumber straight from the Avatar movie. I am constantly wearing myblue jeans like a second skin and my bum keeps trying to escape fromthem (but it is not blue). Butunlike a cool moviegenic Na'vi bimbo with 6 feet legs, I am 5"4 and mylegs look like Parma ham wrapped in denim.

To remedy to this, Idecided to update my wardrobe and hunt for some cool summer/worktrousers.

To my horror, it turns out that it is pretty muchimpossible to find "normal" pairs of trousers in these days of MC Hammermania. When I say "normal" = tailored, wide legged, chinos,even bootcutbut anything other than incontinence trousers.
BUT, every website Ihave crawled just kept regurgitating the following:

1) Busy Zebra Goes To The Haidressers for BlondeHighlights (am not lying check the label!)
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2) Elegant OverSized Camel Toe

3) These Transform Into Optimus Prime After aFart

These thighs enhancers (NOT!) are available at:
Zoo trousers, New Look, £20
Premium Panel Hareem Trousers,topshop £45.00
Diesel Balloon Jeans,Oli.co.uk £,120.00

And when I found something decent, Igot virtually b*tchslapped in the face by retailers who decided thatany cool trousers were reserved for the Chosen Long Legged Ones:

Even with heels, trousers with a length of 32 will end up sweeping thefloor. It also potentially means that my face might end up sweeping thefloor too, if my feet do what they usually do when I ocasionally wearheels : get caught in the hem.

Ugh, today I am orienting my questtowards Mango and ASOS again since I think they have added some newstuff. Mangoes are small, so really their trousers should be too.

Ok,rubbish excuse but I fail to comprehend why so many trousers aredesigned for Amazonians, when in fact a lot of us are closer toLilliputians.