For Health's Sake

Has vanity stretched so far? Clothes and exterior layering no longer fulfil me. A wardrobe full of the season’s must haves and still I feel empty on the inside. What is lacking, maybe I need a haircut or a new super-moisturiser to quash the void? Products and crafty marketing aren’t working. Not even superficial packaging can excite me now *disappointed frown*. I have a period of unease where I ponder the severity of the situation and download meditation tracks to my Nano.

I begin thinking, maybe this inner health thing is something I should explore. I’ve always been a bit of a hippy but never fully committed to the vegan, barefoot, green tea, Himalayan fixation. To be honest, it’s always been a bit half-hearted, a bit of tofu here and there, a power juice or a sweaty breathless run to offset my alcohol and bad diet intake. So how do I transform into a health goddess absolute?

Well, I have made a start. I took a multivitamin this morning, which surely must count for something? I coughed and performed like a cat with a fur ball, but I feel progress has been made. I then proceeded to drink a luke warm mug of water with cut lemon – ghastly but I felt proud of my achievement once the gagging had dissipated.

The truth is. A healthy lifestyle could just be a vanity fixation. Are we being true to ourselves when we say we want to become healthier? There’s part of me that is thinking lets calm my inner chatter, except I am secretly thinking of the end result; glossy hair, sparkly eyes and the loss of kilos. There’s no shame in that is there?

Unfortunately I have never been one to stick to a regime, my inner rebel will probably pop like a nuked lemming (remember that computer game?) So I need to consider drastic measures. Liposuction is a bit eighties aerobics instructor, not to mention painful. Glycolic peels scare me and eye drops seem like a bit of a con. I am thinking a detox is the only way forward.

The truth is a self imposed detox will never work; there are too many temptations for me and I possess insufficient willpower to survive. What I actually need is to be forced on a compulsory detox, preferably with an obliging ally and administered healthy habits by force.

I have investigated and researched and although I am equal parts horrified: intrigued I think I may have found a solution. A weeks detox in Koh Samui. Samui is fast becoming the health centre of the world so I will begin my pilgrimage to Mecca. Self administered colonics and chalky vitamin cocktails sound grim but the results sound dazzling. I get to start afresh with a new cleaner colon and my skin will glow whilst any semblance of cellulite dissolves. I will keep you posted on my progress.

■BexBella