My quest to find the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress

t’s nerve-wracking, this mother-of-the-bride prom dress shops business.

I don’t want to be too dowdy. Or too sleazy. Or too matchy-matchy with the other moms, or the bride, or the bridal party or even the wall color of the reception hall (“Where’s Ellen?").

Also, as the third-string mom behind my stepdaughter’s mom and the groom’s mom I have to let them go first. I’m not that vital.

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So no navy. That’s the bridesmaids' color.

No purple. Her mom’s dress.

No white or ivory. The bride’s colors.

Also, the wedding is in December. So no sleeveless, or I’ll need a wrap.

Also, the dress has to be comfortable. Nothing that will cut off the circulation.

So it is a big challenge.

But I am determined.

And I am not alone in my quest.

After years of trending downward, marriage is coming back in style. Millennials finally (finally!) have started getting married.

In 2015, Michigan recorded the highest marriage rate and the most marriages in nine years. There were 58,848 marriages with 11.86 persons married per 1,000, unpublished state figures obtained by the Free Press show.

This trend echoes an upturn in the national marriage rate that began in 2014, after more than a decade in the doldrums.

More weddings, however, mean there also are more mothers of the brides and grooms out there, running around wringing their hands worrying about what they’re going to wear.

Experts say that a lot of their attire problems come because, well, moms are moms.

“Mom waits until the very last minute. She puts herself last. She’s not thinking about herself. It’s sweet, but I want to tell them, 'You deserve something beautiful, too; you need to feel fabulous, too,' ” says Amanda Cover, co-owner of Bombshell Bridal Boutique in St. Clair Shores.

Moms also wait because they want the dress to fit.

“I see moms who wait because they’re going to lose 20 pounds,” says Laura Van Vliet, owner of Eva’s Bridal in Garden City. “We carry a large number of dresses they can buy off the rack.”

On the other hand, some moms, like me, delay because of fear. What if they pick the wrong color or style? What if they embarrass themselves? What if they look like a dud?

Before I head to the store, I need to know. What dress would make me trendy?

This year, the hot colors for moms’ dresses are navy, plum and wine, with black, gold, gray and taupe also doing well, says Cree Kelly, a bridal consultant for 30 years who works at Alessandra Bridal in Warren.

“Navy is the new black,” she says. As for length, almost all dresses are long.

In terms of decoration, lace is popular, she says, showing off a black lace dress with a nude lining. Heavily beaded dresses, metallic fabrics, gold lamé that harkens back to the 1960s, “and believe it or not, sequins” are also trending, which all add to the price.

Shoes are “silver, gold or neutral, no dyed shoes,” says Janise Ventimiglia, owner of Arena Bridal in Shelby Township.

As for sleeve length, most dresses, sadly, are sleeveless even though most moms hate sleeveless. What is that about?

“That is something I ask my designers every season we meet,” says Cover, whose store caters to plus-size moms.

The answer is that dresses with sleeves are harder to fit women properly, because bridal fabrics don't stretch. Dresses with sleeves also cost more. In the tailoring process, sleeves can be added to most dresses, or some moms wear wraps or shawls that match the dress.

Some younger moms want to show off well-toned upper arms. But truthfully, I am sure, most moms would rather cover that part up.

As for the style of the dress itself, almost anything goes — within reason. Nobody wants to be that mom, the one who commits a terrible faux pas. One time, Cover recalls, a mother of the bride insisted on wearing white to match her daughter’s wedding dress.

“The bride was not having it. She was very upset,” Cover says. “It put us in a really difficult situation.”

So does the mom who picks a show-off, glamorous dress to outshine the bride.

“We definitely have had a few times where the MarieProm evening dresses that mom picks is really, really sexy,” Cover says. “Not that mom can’t be sexy, but in my mind it is not appropriate.”

There is only one way a mom can be absolutely sure of doing the right thing for the wedding — ask the bride her preferences, says Ventimiglia: “There’s no right or wrong," she says. "It’s about what the bride wants.”

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