It seems the core solution behind TMS is largely self acceptance. When I see my image on a live camera feed when doing zoom meeitngs, or hear a recording of myself, I instantly have to look away or stop the recording. It bothers me to the point where I literally have to run away from it. This is running from yourself, which is at the essence of what causes TMS. The solution, of course, being self-acceptance. The things that make up who you are on a psychological level, i.e your feelings and emotions and thoughts about yourself, are the things your brain is trying to protect you from. Put another way, your brain is trying to protect you from yourself. You are the threat. It is a psychological auto-immune disorder! The only solution is to quit running, quit avoiding yourself, and face what you don’t like about yourself, in a way that gives your brain the message that “It’s ok, you’re safe, you are OK as you are”. Or, put another way, you have to realize you are not a problem to be solved. You may have to make changes to your behavior, or form new habits, but the changes made are not to your very person. That implies that shame is the vehicle driving your change. Shame is in many ways the driving force for TMS. What could be more threatening and dangerous to you than “You are not OK. You are a fundamentally flawed being” ? First, it implies there is no solution, that you are doomed to be in this “Not OK” state forever, because one cannot actually change who they are. So while part of your psyche, consciously, desires to change to be someone else (someone accepted and liked by others) there is a part of you that is unconscious that is enraged by this demand to change. You have an inner child that has the need to be accepted and loved for who he is, and that child is never going to go away. So, to be a psychologically healthy human being, everything that is done (self improvement and changes) needs to somehow come from a place of self-acceptance; I am pursuing this new career because it is something that brings me genuine joy, NOT because I am motivated to be loved by others and receive praise and acceptance. Everytime I take an action from a place of lack, there is an incongruence between who I am and who I am trying to be and I am subsequently enraging my inner child. So my inner parent is demanding change by heaping shame on you and the inner child in response is in rebellion to that idea. The question is, how on earth do you mediate between the two (as the adult) ? How to satisfy the demands of both?

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  • It would help if you turned to qualified psychologists. Unfortunately, only they can solve your problem. Do not self-medicate. You can only make the situation worse this way. You have psychological traumas from childhood, most likely. Btw, I have been working in real estate for a long time. However, I decided to become a child psychologist last year. Therefore, I even applied to to gain experience and knowledge. By the way, what traumatic events happened to you as a child? Perhaps you had a difficult relationship with your peers?
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