Fashion Blogs

Look at the following pictures and admire the similarity between the animals and the people. The baby and the dog… coincidence?

So what about couples? Do they start looking alike as the years go by? A recent study by renowned psychologist Robert Zajonc and colleagues, shows that indeed, couples do tend to look more and more alike as decades of cohabitation mould their faces.

How come? Well the psychologist asked themselves as well and brought up 4 different conjectures:

• Diet –this was rejected as at most it would mean both parties have a chubby/slim face
• Environment -this too was rejected as all the people in the study were from the same area and of similar socio-economic background and hence would have been affected by the same climate etc.
• Predisposition –the authors believe there may be something to this – meaning for instance depressed people choose depressed partners and have common pity parties in which they will jointly look depressed. However while not rejecting this possibility completely the authors believe the real reason is:
• Empathy –empathy? Makes people look alike? Absolutely claims the study. People who smile in a certain way will “rub off” on their spouses who will take on the same type of smile and the result? They will develop the same type of wrinkles and therefore in time look “more alike”.

Interestingly… the study brought up a great question. If similarity is based on empathy could one conclude that the greater the physical similarity, the greater the empathy and hence the happier the couple is? The study was not broad enough to come up with an answer… but I will keep my ears open to see if they come up with a new study on that.

Here are a few sample pictures of longstanding couples… what do you think? So what happens in behavioral patterns? Clearly if we physically become more and more similar to our partners, what happens to more subtle similarities like character traits? Do we voluntarily or involuntarily take on the traits of our partners? The New York Times certainly thinks so.

They bring us a study by Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey. The academics have studied the concept of “self expansion” a process by which spouses seek to expand their knowledge and abilities through their partners. While self-expansion may sound self serving… it can lead to a better relationship and a greater appreciation of the other. You can take the test here.

Their research shows that eventually spouses take on each others qualities and in time become slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse. Meaning skills they both share are easy to identify but skills that one originally had and has “rubbed off” onto the other, it takes a little longer to “remember” who had the original skill. When asked if it is a sign that the individuals lose themselves in the couple, the researchers are very clear: not at all: they grow within it – expanding their skill set based on the other’s traits…

So what about voluntarily trying to shape your partner? Literature is rife with Pygmalion stories. The genre became particularly popular in Victorian England and in France at the turn of the 20th Century. From George Bernard Shaw’s infamous Eliza Doolittle to Willy Russell’s Educating Rita on the Anglo-Saxon side of things to a whole array of novels of the genre in French Literature. In fact, a dissertation in Michigan State University studies a very interesting concept in French Literature: Female Pygmalions’. This role reversal is fascinating… particularly as this is not a post modern 21 st Century literary style. Marguerite de Navarre and Honoré de Balzac tell tales of virtuous women who attempt to form lovers who will adore them without the expectation of physical intimacy.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s Madame de Warens and George Sand’s Madeleine Blanchet represent maternal Pygmalion figures and focus attention on the question of incest. Rachilde and Colette portray female Pygmalion figures who create and destroy their Galateas. While Rachilde uses it to study androgynous tendencies, Colette sees it as a tool to study how one comes to terms with growing old. So whether voluntarily, with a specific ulterior motive, or simply to “improve the other or involuntarily by setting a “charismatic example”, couples “rub off” on each other. The more it happens innocently without planning, the likelier the couple is going to feel empathy, personal gain and satisfaction in a relationship. While the same may be true when done voluntarily with one spouse trying to mold his/her partner into the “perfect spouse” this is far likelier to lead to resentment on the receiving end…

So Mesdames et Messieurs, choose that partner with care as you may well end up being “one”.

By Alex Wise of Loveawake.com for Fashionindustrynetwork.com